I gave up on you.

The moment you decided to ignore me for just 3days made me realize a lot of stuff.

& when I confronted you on the 4th day, you said you haven't let go of the past yet; you said it was hard for you.

All this time.. All this time you were only pretending to be happy with me.
Everything we've been through... gone just like that. Did it mean anything to you? At all?

I thought I could make up for all the mistakes I've done to you. But everything meant nothing to you.

I give up. I'm done trying. I'm done convincing myself that what we have is real. Lets just give up now.

I can't do this anymore. Its too much. If you need time and space, I can give you that, but I wont be there when you're back and okay. Not anymore.

Lets face it, we've had one, two chances too many. Its not working anymore.

How long will I refuse to see the signs?


Have you noticed that no matter what we do,
no matter how hard we try, we always end up getting hurt,
and our hearts' break even more.

We swear to never fight again but we still do.
We promised to never hurt each other again but we still do.

How long can we do this?
How long can we endure the pain?
Is the pain still worth it?

This relationship was once our refuge,
our sanctuary, our hiding place from all the pain,
but this relationship have become our problem
It became the pain.

We have made a big, deep wound in our hearts
Is it still worth healing?
or is it better to leave it and let it heal by itself.
Because it will but it would take a lot of time. A LOT
but the time would be worth it.

I know how terrible I am as a person.
but you're not so good yourself.
You constantly push me to be the person that I avoid to be.

I don't get angry that often,
but you make me reach my boiling point quicker.
& although I constantly try to become a better person,
to be a role model for you, you still choose to go your way

I have my pride, higher than the Eiffel Tower.
and nobody could break that pride, not even you.

No one and i mean, NO ONE could make me do something
that I dont want to do, again, not even you.

I have a mind of my own, if I dont want to be friends with someone
no one can make me, not even you.

If I am angry with someone, no one can tame me.
& only I can decide what I want to do when my anger goes away

I am no robot. I may not have full control of myself.
but I still can control myself.
I don't need you to tell me what to do with my life.

It is ironic of me to constantly say the quote

" dont make decisions when youre angry"

to people when I myself do decisions when Im furious.

but hey, I'm only human.
I aint perfect, you know.

I commit mistakes, maybe always
but at least I try to avoid doing those mistakes.

I have a lot of thinking to do.

hi bloggy :\

We are the captains of our souls.
& I should be able to have the power and control over myself,
my thoughts and my actions. But how come I find it hard to do so?

My mood is constantly changing. one minute im all smiley faced and all that and the next second im grouchy and grumpy and whatnot. & i hate it >___<

& because of that constant changes in my mood, i hurt the people around me.
I did not intend to do so & its beyond my control.

I want to stop, I want to change. But its easier said than done :(

A thought came to my mind, if I dont want to hurt those people anymore, I should avoid them. But I think it would hurt them more if I do that. dont ya think? :\

Im lost once again :|

This day should be one of the best days of my life
and I ruined it :( I destroyed it.

Things happened at the wrong time,
Emotions came in at the wrong queue
& my Attitude showed at the wrong date.

Everything was wrong, and it is all my fault.

If I wasnt such a problem child,
If I didn't have this stupid moodswings.
None of this could've happened.

I dont wanna hurt anyone anymore .... but how?

I am the cause of all things gone wrong.
I am the reason for the pain and sufferings.
I am a hypocrite, dangerous to the world.
I am the person I hate.

I do not want to go back to my old ways

Ako na siguro ang pinakaswerteng tao sa mundo,
dahil nasa akin si God :)

why do you have to be so hard all the time..

habang unti unti ko ng kinakalimutan ung sama ng loob ko
saka naman dumating tong bwiset sa buhay na babae na to.

ano ba kasing ginagawa ko sa kaniya?
ako na nga tong lumalayo sa gulo
siya pa tong lapit ng lapit.

hindi ako yung tipo ng tao na umuurong.
kahit ako pa ung mali, bsta maipaglaban ko lang ung sarile ko.

pero iba kapag siya ang nilabanan ko.
marami kasi siyang hawak against me.

pero why should I care?
sige, ipagkalat niya.
anong mapapala niya?
magiging masaya ba siya sa gagawin niya?
I hope yes. Kasi buhay, reputasyon at katauhan ang sinisira niya dito.
at pati ibang tao dinadamay na niya.

Atleast ako, may mga tunay na kaibigan.
E siya? Anong meron siya?
Mga kakampi na hindi naman niya alam kung
hanggang kelan siya sasamahan.

Naaawa ako sayo.
Ganito ka na ba kadesperada makakuha ng atensyon?
Well, ayan ang atensyon na hinahanap mo.
Sayo na Lahat. Puro Negative naman :P
Saksak mo sa baga mo. XD

Hayyyy. Come What May :)
I'm keeping my mouth shut.

Sa'yo Lang Ako Ganito.

Okay na eh.
Ang saya na..

Araw-araw okay, nagkkwentuhan, nagtatawanan
Kaso may nagawa ka nanamang kinasama ng loob ko.
Alam kong sabi niyo mag-open up ako para alam niyo kung anong problema
Para mabago niyo. Para malaman niyo.
Hindi yung bigla na lang akong mag-iiba.
Hindi ko nalang sinabi dahil gusto kong kalimutan nalang.

E, Kaso hindi ko naman nakalimutan.
Kahit anong gawin niyang tama, nagiging mali para sakin dahil sa sama ng loob na yon.
It doesn't seem like a big deal but it is, TO ME.


[Sunday Aug 01 2010]

Lahat kami nagsimba ngaun. Kasama sila Tita at Jalex
It was all good until matapos ung mass.
Gusto ni papa na mag-attend kami pareho ni Tita ng Pre-Encounter.
Ayaw ni tita dahil kasama si Jalex.
Ayaw ko ring mag attend mag-isa

E hiwalay rin naman pala yung rooms ng Adults sa Children
So napilitan lang si Tita, kaya ayun nagalit na siya.
Nauna na siya umuwi, hindi na niya kami nahintay ni Papa.

I waited for my father na matapos magpabaptize.
Tapos umuwi kami para sunduin sila Tita dahil kakain kami sa labas.
Masungit na siya as in Bad Mood na.

Hindi ko alam kung kanino ba siya galit.
Kay Papa, Saken o parehas.
Kaya nanahimik na lang ako.

On our way sa resto, I asked my dad about my bday plans.
Andaming sinuggest ni papa.
Tapos biglang sabi ni Tita

"Bakit kasi hindi nalang sa bahay maghanda?! Andami dami mo pang maaabala"

I really didnt like her tone.
Na parang ayaw niya ko magbday.
Once in a Year na nga lang, kokontrahin pa.
Once a year na nga lang maaabala, ayaw pa.
Sumama na talaga ng sobra ung loob ko.

and thats the reason why merong naganap na drama dito kanina.

Sana hinintay mo muna na makaalis yung mga kasama ko
bago mo ko inarmalite.
Sinagot-sagot kita kasi nga galit na rin ako sayo.

SAWANG SAWA NA KO.
SAYO LANG NAMAN AKO HIRAP MAKISAMA.
HINDI TAYO MAGKAINTINDIHAN.

sana nga hindi nalang ako pinanganak
para wala kayong sakit sa ulo
wala kayong pinoproblema
at wala akong nasasaktan.

hindi ko alam kung may pagasa pa bang magbago to
at sa totoo lang nawawalan nako ng pagasa para maging maayos to

dun nalang kaya ako sa mga tita ko?
atleast sila naiintindihan ako.

Kung sabagay, kayo lang naman ang hindi nakakaintindi sakin e

tamang iwas lang :)

D

oh fuck, please

JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!